So earlier in the week, my lovely girlfriend made mention of how she saw multiple shooting stars when she was driving home, even though neither of us heard anything about this in the news.

Then I turned on my game.

I think I may be losing my mind.

Anytime you want to complain about needing to explore new horizons, you let me know. ‘Cause no one here likes you Portia.

Scoot told me himself.

Goddamn you Chrissy. Goddamn you to Hell.

That’s right bitches. Bow down to your bug-hunting superior.

As usual: you can tell it’s Bug Hunting Day by how easy it is to catch rare fish. We call this ‘Animal Crossing Irony’.

I like fireworks night.

Robin Williams.
Ocarina of Time 3D commercial.

Robin Williams.

Ocarina of Time 3D commercial.

  1. Camera: Nintendo 3DS

I don’t know why I am compelled to pick these things up each time. I just am… and I hate myself for it.

Portia wants to talk to me after ignoring her for awhile? Oh, I wonder what she wants!!

…fuck. Move out already goddammit.

\

Yeah, there are some things about that family we are better off not knowing.

The Nook family, I mean. I don’t really know anything about the Crannys.

I suppose that is an accurate way of describing this space console. But given that I’m the one who gave it to you: I don’t think you have anything to hide Scoot.

Slowly but surely completing that painting collection.

I will have that museum model. By 2016 at the very latest.

Oh shit.

It’s becoming self-aware.

Time to see if we can top last year’s wonderful fireworks display.

Colbert didn’t show up as well as I would have liked, but otherwise it’s a good start.

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The day when Nintendo remembered that New Leaf was a game that some people still played. Go Club Miiverse!

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And the Golden Stag Quest happened to make me an even richer man, so: bonus!

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And then this happened, even though it hasn’t been a year since I got the last one.

Look, I wasn’t going to ask, but you keep pressing the issue: does Brewster sponsor you to shill his coffee or something?

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Dammit K.K. You used to be a nonconformist who pirated his own music.

You used to be cool.

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Oh right, that.

I should start thinking about what ridiculous fireworks I’m going to set up this year.

It’s finally happened. My neighbors have sprung their trap, and the assassination begins.

I should probably run screaming, but they’ve gone to so much trouble for so long. It seems almost rude. And I can’t help but admit that they’ve piqued my curiosity.

Like if Isabelle will be there.

Oooh, right. That.

I mean, they could just be using it as a cover and that cake might be poisoned. But I didn’t even think about what day it was.

Or they might just blow me up. Praying that I wait until I get home to open it, but knowing that the others will honor their sacrifice if I don’t.

I certainly hope so, Daisy. It is the only birthday wish I can think of that you might be able to help with.

Oh wow. I think this is new. Which means… I might have to wait years to get the whole collection of birthday items. Which is absolutely infuriating to a collector.

Well, at least it’s not the New Years’ shirts. Exclusive items, once a year for like 50 years. Because that was a crock if I ever heard one.

Awwww. You sarcastic little rascals, you.

Fucking finally.

I have been waiting so long for this moment. This momentous occasion.

The moment where I put my white carnations on display and forget they exist.

Yesssssssss.

And show it off to random visitors! Almost forgot!

On to farming beetles!

I’ll never use this, but I must have it.

I must have all of it.

That’s what we all tell ourselves, isn’t it?

Tom, that is my Goddamn chair. You stay the Hell away.

It probably doesn’t even have room for your tail.

So over the course of the week, my white carnation strategy evolved into using the golden watering can on top of the golden shovel and fertilizer.

That seemed to be working.

Then I put the reds and the pinks together, as some aren’t sure which combination produces white hybrids.

At this rate I’m guessing I’ll have a town with just red and pink carnations. Which I think I’m OK with.

Maybe I’ll keep the blue roses.

I really need to get Portia to leave. I don’t know I’d do if Bob or Punchy showed up on my campgrounds and there was no room for him.

Oh goddammit.

YOU ARE TELLING LIES.

Ah, the perfect device for watching hentai. I almost wish such a device actually existed.

See now: I always figured Chrissy drank her coffee black. Soaking up the bitterness that matches her soul.

Bitch, I gave you that monitor myself. You best keep it right where it is.

Kapp’n: reinforcing societal pressures to conform to gender stereotypes.

When he’s not hitting on underaged girls, I mean.

Again Marina: have you even seen our town lately?

There is part of me that greatly hopes this doesn’t just apply to my game. So, so many thunderstorms.

You know, I hardly ever talk with Phyllis in the post office. I really think she’s get a bad rap. Yeah, she has a grumpy attitude, but if you’ve ever had to work with the general populace in any sort of service industry, you could totally relate.

…though giving her customers carcinogenic furniture in revenge seems like a bit much.

No, it seems that Nintendo’s DLC is getting into astrology, so its furniture has the cancer symbol and the little crab thing. Which, obviously makes me very happy, given my rabid fandom towards a series with a lot of connections to astrological symbols: Kid Icarus Uprising.

God I love that game.

Sorry Gabe Newell. I’ve got better shit to do.

Oh wow. A basic-looking wardrobe with gaudy colors on the knobs. Totally worth the asking price.

Isabelle: your unwillingness to acknowledge the superiority of American holidays is really irksome. I don’t care if you have a bunch of fireworks displays planned for later in the summer. I demand you cater to my culture specifically at all times.

Oh no.

Please no.

Reader, I’m not sure if you understand Coco like I do, so let me break it down for you.

The opposite of peace is war and conflict.

War and conflict occurs between humans and (sometimes) between other sentient animals.

Ergo: you get rid of those things and you have peace.

Smart thinking Kiki. Do me a favor and let me stow away in your luggage, OK?